Regret

I believe everyone has experienced a time where they lost their beloved one. I also has experienced this before. I lost all of my grandparents 1 by 1 from the age of 2 to the age of 14. During their funeral, i  never dropped one bit of tears. Maybe because i was still young back then............ or i don't even know what is it to lose someone precious, or is it that i'm just lack of sympathy?

However, when i loss someone who is precious to me when i was in form5......... i cried. it is the 1st time that i have ever cried in a funeral. I still remember it was in April...... in a church. That time when we are mourning or having a mass or whatever it is ( it is when we have to sing), my heart, my chest becomes suffocating, my tears flow out automatically as if the running tap is turned on.

Then finally i understood how it is to feel like when someone special and precious to you leaves the world. You can no longer see him/her, cant hear their voices. And you lost 1 more person to care for....... and who care for you. And on that day, i started to regret, why i didn't accompany her more often, why i didn't talk to her more.........and whenever i think about this, my tear just flow out. ( when im writing this also).

I realized why i didn't cry during the previous funeral. It is because of my pride that has been holding me from crying. I admit that i like to act tough, this is why i don't cry in front of people or to show my weakness to the people around and i refuse to share my feelings to people......i don't wanna show people how weak i'm, i prefer to hide my feelings deep inside of me....... as a habit, when things doesn't go my way, i just act indifferent, i act that i don't care.

I'm not good at showing care to people, im not good at how to treat people kindly....... to be frank, i don't even know how. I don't know how should i express my care to everyone. T_T

On the other hand, the most important thing that i have learned is that........... try your best to appreciate, accompany and care for the one that is important to you. Don't regret it only when you loss something in your life. And i suppose Life is full of regret and human should live through it and learn a lesson from the regret that you yourself have made.

Driving lesson

My first EXTRA driving lesson: Drive and bang a dog.

It all happened after having supper with the gang after celebrating Alyssa's birthday. When i drove along jalan merdeka........... suddenly 2 doggie appeared to be chasing each other, playing happily and they rushed towards my car.

AND ......................

BANG.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After the initial collision, we felt a 'bump' under the car. And the dog let out a painful cry. In that very moment....... .... there was an intense feel of guilt in my heart, and with sadness mixing into it.

The truth is, i didn't notice the dogs coming as i was paying attention to my friends talking. By the time i noticed the dogs rushing out, it was all too late. My reflexes are just not fast enough for me to step on the brake paddle in time.

After banging into one of the dog, i did not stop my car. I just simply continue my journey and observe what was going on behind. What i saw is that the dog was lying on the ground....... and it's friend was attending to it.

This is the 1st time that i have ever bang into a living thing. Felt extremely guilty and sad........what can i do? beside praying that the dog can attain ''happiness'' by leaving this cruel world. It would be better for the doggie to die rather than have the doggie handicapped.

After banging the dog, the consequences is that my car had been damaged as well. There's a weird sound coming out whenever the front passenger seat door is moved.

The lesson of the story is...... next time i have to drive even slowly with extra caution :(

Promise

Im not a good oath-keeper. But i always try to keep promise (from girls only). Last time i was dubbed as FFK king when i was in secondary. And now, i will try my best to fulfill the promise that i've made.

We made a promise. So im going to keep my promise to you, we are going to the prom night together. But......... if you can find a better partner, then you can forget about me. I'm happy enough just to hear that you can go with me. If you can't be my partner, i don't mind.... as long as we can go together..... as long as i'm not alone, that's all.

About breaking promises........ i will try to accept it.

Lastly, i have a poor memory..... so i'll remind myself for that day.

April the 3rd

This will be a memorable day....... not because of what i did on that day, or hanging out with who, but the feelings that i've felt on this particular day.

It happened that some of my gemini friends are facing the same problem with me, EMO. It's more than a coincidence that we emo on the same day, but in different places.

It is nice to find people to emo together..... kaic let me tell you, don't ever emo alone.

April Fool

The revelation that i get from April Fool is that i have such a small group of friends, especially the opposite sex. The things is that when i wanna send some prank messages, i just cant find anybody in my contact list. This leaves my heart cracked as to realize that i don't have much friends. The number of pranks that i received is dropping sharply compare to when i was in secondary. Could this be that people are getting mature by the age of 20? or is my existence becomes elusive?

I'm getting lazy to make friends. It's hard now. I'm not as outgoing as before. But without making any new friends, where the hell would i get to befriends with more girls? My friend just said, the good thing about being single is that you can flirt with how many gals you want. And you can scoop for any girls you like. But bro, i don't have that fucking leisure and time to do that, assignment not done, exam is coming, violin need to be practiced and i missed my aikido members. And for me, flirting drains me off my energy. Being single is good and being attached is good, whatever it is, i would choose the latter.

Anyway, April Fool passed by very fast. Nothing special and nothing fun. I guessed its better for me to stay quiet and low for these few days, as i do enjoy being alone sometimes.