Regret

I believe everyone has experienced a time where they lost their beloved one. I also has experienced this before. I lost all of my grandparents 1 by 1 from the age of 2 to the age of 14. During their funeral, i  never dropped one bit of tears. Maybe because i was still young back then............ or i don't even know what is it to lose someone precious, or is it that i'm just lack of sympathy?

However, when i loss someone who is precious to me when i was in form5......... i cried. it is the 1st time that i have ever cried in a funeral. I still remember it was in April...... in a church. That time when we are mourning or having a mass or whatever it is ( it is when we have to sing), my heart, my chest becomes suffocating, my tears flow out automatically as if the running tap is turned on.

Then finally i understood how it is to feel like when someone special and precious to you leaves the world. You can no longer see him/her, cant hear their voices. And you lost 1 more person to care for....... and who care for you. And on that day, i started to regret, why i didn't accompany her more often, why i didn't talk to her more.........and whenever i think about this, my tear just flow out. ( when im writing this also).

I realized why i didn't cry during the previous funeral. It is because of my pride that has been holding me from crying. I admit that i like to act tough, this is why i don't cry in front of people or to show my weakness to the people around and i refuse to share my feelings to people......i don't wanna show people how weak i'm, i prefer to hide my feelings deep inside of me....... as a habit, when things doesn't go my way, i just act indifferent, i act that i don't care.

I'm not good at showing care to people, im not good at how to treat people kindly....... to be frank, i don't even know how. I don't know how should i express my care to everyone. T_T

On the other hand, the most important thing that i have learned is that........... try your best to appreciate, accompany and care for the one that is important to you. Don't regret it only when you loss something in your life. And i suppose Life is full of regret and human should live through it and learn a lesson from the regret that you yourself have made.